10 Things I Learnt Quitting my Job to be a Stay-At-Home Parent
If you are thinking about quitting your job to be a stay-at-home parent but are unsure whether to take the plunge, this is the blog for you!
I had three years out of work to be a stay-at-home mum. I’m not going to lie — it was very tough! Not just because I was with a small child 24/7 — and all that seemed to matter was poo and sleep — but because I’d had a fairly successful career beforehand that I chose to say goodbye to.
We had virtually no money as I was the main earner — we switched to an interest only mortgage, applied for tax credits, and got used to counting every penny. I learnt to go without which was hard but my daughter didn’t care if I wasn’t wearing the latest fashions and expensive face creams. She had her mum there, always!
But, I wouldn’t change it for the world and would encourage more women — or indeed men — to have the courage to do the same. I say courage because that’s actually what it takes. In a world of glass ceilings, sexism, and prejudice, I think women or men who take a career break to stay at home have a real challenge on their hands to re-enter the workplace. But my gosh, it’s worth it! And here’s what I learnt:
1. You’re a long time in the ground
you have to ask yourself if you really want to be doing what you’re currently doing for the next 40 years without a break. Time out for children is probably the most legitimate ‘gap’ on your CV and if you don’t take time out then, when can you?
2. You can (and WILL) rebuild your career
It took me about two years after I went back to work (after three years off) to rebuild my career to the level I was at when I left to have my daughter. It was hard. But I knew I had it in me and that my ability would shine through and people would recognise it eventually.
3. You CAN make sacrifices
What will happen if you go without things for a while? Do you really need everything you have got used to? I found that I had more time to cook meals from scratch rather than spend a fortune on ready meals in Marks and Spencer’s on my commute home, or takeaways. I got fit — I had more time to hit the gym post-baby and it felt like a well-earned release from childcare all day.
4. Going ‘back to the floor’ when you return to work WILL enhance your career
Like many of us, I had climbed the management ladder through the noughties when the economic climate was very good. I hadn’t been ‘managed’ for a long time, but going back to this level really developed my management and leadership skills of today as I had a better understanding of what it was like for the teams I managed.
5. You will be ready to REALLY focus back on your career
By the time I did go back to work, I really felt ready to focus my attentions once again. I didn’t feel guilty about leaving my daughter, I felt that the time was for me once again. It was refreshing. It was different.
6. You need to be patient
Rebuilding your career won’t happen overnight — you will need to be patient. And by patient, I mean VERY patient. I wasn’t. I found it so difficult to fully appreciate that this was just three short years out of (hopefully) 70/80 years and potentially 50 at work!!!
7. Improve your skills
Because being a stay-at-home parent gives you skills that you can use in the workplace — patience, commitment, passion, self-awareness …all skills that you develop in abundance if you are with a small child 24/7….you can close the door on irritating colleagues but you can’t on your child. I became more reflective as a person which translated well into the workplace on my return.
8. You will develop your emotional intelligence
I think being a stay at home parent forces you to develop your own self awareness and emotional intelligence. This was the area that I most lacked before I had my career break — not that I was Katy Hopkins, but nor did I have a finely tuned antennae that governed my management style.
9. Keep your hand in
If you work in a profession where pro bono work is relevant, offer some help free of charge to keep up-to-date with the latest developments in your field. You will also have achievements to put on you CV during your career break, and learn to apply your skills in a different environment. I work in Marketing so offered some pro bono support to a couple of charities — it was very rewarding.
10. Other people WILL annoy you…a lot
To begin with, I used to try and talk about it….but then I got totally fed up. I remember, I’d just come back from a soggy long weekend to Plymouth as our only holiday when I was met by a mum at a friend’s party…”oh you’re so lucky not to have to work” she said. .I bit my tongue feeling happy that I’d got the best reduced bargains at Waitrose earlier. “We could never afford for me not to work” she continued…but in the next breath “we’ve just come back from two weeks in Portugal”…enough said!
